Rumble Magazine 5th Anniversary Issue

It has been 5 years since we started Rumble, the web magazine of microscopic fiction and poetry. Our new issue will celebrate this fact by being ultra mega awesome, or whatever. It's due out in about a week, so check it out and become impressed by its awesomeness and lovely, crinkly edges.

New Rumble Magazine, May 2009 Issue

The newest issue of Rumble is online now. New fiction by Michael Doherty, Paul Lynch, David Miller, Meg Pokrass, and Wayne Scheer. Poetry by Ricky Garni and Dennis Mahagin. Assuming I am not killed in a horrible car crash we will celebrate 5 years of Rumble in July. Feels pretty good. I have no free t-shirts to give away, in case you were wondering.

The newest issue of Absurdist Monthly Review is also available for download. I had nothing to do with that. But it's good, very good.

Action Plan! @ Bewildering Stories

A very short something called Action Plan! is published at Bewildering Stories. It's been rejected a few times by editors who didn't like it. I always liked it. It contains very detailed instructions. Follow them to the letter.

New Rumble Magazine, March 2009

The new issue of Rumble Magazine is online with stories by Lydia Copeland, Marylou Fusco, Ellen Lindquist, Brandi Wells, and xTx, plus a poem by Jon Bennett and a review of Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy.

It's pretty good.

I'm working on a new design and "skinning" the site with multiple style sheets.

I'm thinking about adding a Helvetica skin.

Sometimes My Heart Pushes My Ribs by Ellen Kennedy

This new book of prose-poetry is available now from Muumuu House, an independent publisher. Some of the work in this book has been published previously online or on Ellen's blog. The book is reasonably priced at $12 dollars. You can find more information here. A page of reviews can be found here.

I'm happy for Ellen, and hope the publication of her book will make her happy. I think it will. I am waiting to receive a copy. Once I have received the copy and read it, and fondled it a bit, I will write a review and publish it at Rumble. Ellen has a rare talent and your money would be better spent buying this book than some dvd with stupid car explosions in it.

The Unusually Destructive Ladybug Is Published; Hurt Feelings Caused By Dicey Brown Magazine Are Discussed

My story The Unusually Destructive Ladybug has been published over at juked. This was the story dicey brown magazine failed to publish. This failure led me to declare prejudice against dicey brown magazine for a period of one year, as previously noted.

The publication of The Unusually Destructive Ladybug is a good thing. This has not lessened hurt feelings caused by dicey brown magazine but has helped me to regain composure. I am okay now.

Electric Obama Boogaloo

I am now prejudiced against Dicey Brown Magazine because they accepted one of my stories many months ago but have failed to publish it or answer my e-mail. I do not hate them because people are flawed but I will maintain a small grudge against them for a period of one year.

I am waiting for Ellen Kennedy's new book to be published but I will not pre-order it because of extreme poverty.

I have purchased Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo for 3.99 but have not watched it. I am waiting for "the right moment". I have downloaded the soundtrack to the movie, possibly illegally. It is "the bomb".

Back to THE OBAMA:

I would like to see Obama say "stop killing Palestinian women and children" to the Israelis even though he is not president yet. I would like to see Obama go to the Cowardly Lion and say "give me courage" and then go and say that. Maybe he is not saying that because he doesn't have enough courage.

It's just a fucking theory, people.

Obama Says Bush Is Still The Decider

President Bush is still "The Decider" for two more months. This means he gets to decide things, like about wars and things, for a little while longer.

Obama declared "I am not the president." and "There is only one president."

Personally I am happy about Pre-President Obama, except for a couple details. A few weeks ago I sent away for a free Obama pin and never got it. Recently I just signed up to receive a free Obama sticker and am looking forward to not receiving it as well. I am very selfish and I want my free stuff, but Obama won't send me my stuff.

And the Obama campaign is still asking me for money.

They will send you a Obama poster if you send them the money. They want the money to "help with the transition". That's cool. Whatever. I wonder if they would consider sending some money to poor people to help with their mother-fucking transition from poor and suicidal to poor and apathetic.

Look, I'm not knocking Obama. Well maybe a little. I remember during the campaign I used to hear him say "we need to help the middle class" like the middle class had leprosy or something. This was the Clinton strategic mantra and it worked for Obama as well. But, Dude, I think that poor people could seriously use some money. Like money for food and shit, and clothes and shelter.

BULLETIN FOR OBAMA: Poor people STILL exist!

2ND BULLETIN FOR OBAMA: All black people in America used to be really, really poor! Many still are, despite Compassionate Conservatism.

Well that's all for now. I personally feel maybe 10% more hopeful about America right now. I feel a strong psychic hunch that we, as a country, may kill 20% fewer innocent civilians in 2009. I even think it is possible that President Obama may actually mention poor people, some time in the far distant future.

On the day we all get our rocket packs.

<HTML GIANT> and Muumuu House

Two great new websites have appeared.

There are no Manatees on these websites.

These websites are "non-gay" but not "anti-gay"

This is a hot picture of a young Sarah Palin.

She is "fresh" and "midwestern"





<HTML GIANT> is the internet literature magazine blog of the future. The posts are very "apt" and of interest to writers and publishers. This month they are "talking shit" about people and magazines. The content is "entertaining and informative". My favorite articles so far are Jimmy Chen's Against HTML, Giants, and HTMLGiant and Sam Pink's All Internet Writers Are Fucking Pussies. There is seriously funny shit at <HTML GIANT>. There are some graphic descriptions of genitalia.

Muumuu House is a new small press created by Tao Lin. The website, like <HTML GIANT>, is "aesthetically pleasing" and easy on the eyes, with little graphic distraction. The thing I like best about Muumuu House so far is the two new Ellen Kennedy stories, and the promise of a poetry chapbook from Ellen early next year.

Both sites are "damn fine" and "smell nice" and may possibly have "street cred" with Matthew McConaughey.

New Episodes Of Animal Cops Are Needed

I watch a lot of Animal Cops on TV, because I like it when they rescue fucked up animals and then make them better. I like it when the animals get better and are happy and get adopted by people who are not cruel to animals.


But now I have watched too many episodes of Animal Cops and there are no new Animal Copsepisodes and I have to stop watching Animal Cops for a while. Maybe I should watch Animal Precinct. Maybe.

Something I notice about Animal Cops is that almost all the people who get arrested for animal cruelty are poor and black, or just black. I wish they would show some rich white people getting arrested, and maybe beaten about the head and shoulders, just to balance things out.

Sometimes the people are white. The white people are usually poor too.

That is depressing and animal cruelty is depressing.

I am thinking about a new format for Animal Cops. The new format would be this: The Animal Cops would train the rescued animals to go back to their former owners and kick them in the nuts or something.

I would also like to see more manatees. There are never any manatees on Animal Cops even though manatees are getting pounded. People in speedboats keep running over them and the Animal Cops should do something. So far they have not done anything about this. This is something that should be looked into.

Update: There will be more Animal Cops.

Maybe there will be Manatee Cops.