Monday, July 12, 2004

"Earl Angstrom has a gray, ragged look. This business has blighted him. He thins his lips across his slipping teeth like a man with stomach trouble biting back gas. He is being nibbled from within. Color has washed from his hair and eyes like cheap ink."

—excerpt from Rabbit, Run by John Updike

Collecting cans and bottles so you can buy cigarettes: The government has made them really expensive because they are evil and don't care about your life.
  • Get up really early because other people want those cans and will get them if you don't go out at like 5:00 a.m. and beat them to it.

  • Public parks are a good place to look, especially during the weekends. Again, get up early because the city crews will empty those trash cans and you'll get nothing.

  • Go to your local college or university. Students have money and throw a lot of cans away when they're drunk.

  • Watch out for cops. Just because you're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean they won't hassle you. It's so boring and you lose valuable time.

  • Cruise the malls and look in dumpsters out back. You won't be sorry.

  • Stash 40 oz bottles for later pick-up: Those things are so damn heavy and you don't want to be lugging them around if you don't have to. They should be worth like 20 cents at least but they're not.

  • Redeem your cans at an automatic processor so you won't have to be humiliated at your local gas station or convenience store. They hate people who bring in bunches of cans and bottles because they think they're better than you are.

  • Don't touch your hands to your face after digging through rancid garbage. This one is so obvious don't even ask.

  • Avoid public humiliation by carrying a backpack or other common device. Lugging around plastic bags full of dirty cans is not elegant.


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